i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
