my vag is so smooth its legendary
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
