I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
