i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize