We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
