We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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