Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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