Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The air was thick with penises
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
