is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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