can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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