after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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