I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
