Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
