I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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