the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Randomize
