i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
