just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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