nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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