I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
