Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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