Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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