How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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