six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
