Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
