oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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