so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
