How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
