ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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