We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
