I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
