you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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