Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
