my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
