My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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