But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Someone came in the potted fern
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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