Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
