No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
