i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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