hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
