Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
