There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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