How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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