Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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