I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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