she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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