I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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