Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
