i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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