Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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