so explain again why im purple
no
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
