just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
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