the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
