I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
