totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
