I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
