We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize