Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
