Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Can I color on your dick again?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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