maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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