Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
