you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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