just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
