I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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