I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
