Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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